I really, really would always rather be horizontal. I’m not lazy. Everything is just better with my feet up.
It’s not just me. I mean, how many Neurodivergent TikToks are filmed from people’s beds? Legendary music producer Rick Rubin says that laying down is a crucial part of his creative process. For people with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a genetic condition that affects connective tissue and has a high association with autism, sitting in chairs ranges from uncomfortable to downright excruciating.
I really try to do everything I can horizontal… don’t you?
Wouldn’t everyone rather work horizontal?
I love sitting on the couch with my laptop balanced on my lap. I’ve talked to all sorts of high-profile clients from bed: Fortune 500 companies, government agencies, foreign diplomatic offices. And they never knew. The advent of Zoom means I now have to conduct meetings from a desk (sigh), but as soon as I log off, I’m back to lying down.
Horizontal definitely doesn’t make me any less good at what I do, but it does make parts of working less efficient. Without the space of a desk, for instance, where do I put my snacks, coffee, water, laptop and papers?
Ikea has a solution. This collapsable, adjustable laptop side table solves the problem. The bottom legs slide underneath the couch and the top can be set to the perfect angle. Did I mention there’s a cupholder? You can eat, work, read… all while staying as horizontal as you please.
Wouldn’t everyone rather hang out horizontal?
Other people seem to really love chairs and being upright, but I always prefer to put my feet up and lounge out.
On a recent camping trip, I unrolled my beloved Cadillac of camping mattresses onto one of the cots and set up a sweet spot to chill by the riverside. As my friends straggled back from a long afternoon hike, they saw me all sprawled out in the shade, happily horizontal.
“Welcome to the Horizontal Lounge!” I greeted them. “Would you like to join?”
Of course they did. I had them lie down, provided a pillow and blanket, and offered a beverage. Way better than sitting in a dumb camping chair.
Wouldn’t everyone rather party horizontal?
While others tend to stand, dance or mill around the kitchen at parties, I get disoriented standing up without anything to hold onto. I prefer to stay seated in my horizontal happy place.
One thing that can make horizontal partying even better is having a bendy glass straw so you don’t have to sit up every time you want a sip of your drink.
Another thing I love is these Bliss Lights that project clouds and stars onto the ceiling. You get to chill out with a calming astral view. And if you’re watching a movie, you can put your TV on the ceiling with a projector.
Wouldn’t everyone rather dine horizontal?
Sitting at a dining room table is the worst! What kind of charade is this? If I’m solo at home, I always, always eat lounged out on the couch. At other people’s houses, you have to sit up in a chair with your feet on the floor. Horror.
Eating at a coffee table is okay, but having to lean forward every time you want to take a bite is less than ideal. Luckily, Ikea has these couch side tables where the feet pull under the couch and the tabletop is situated over your legs. They’re perfect. You just pull the table up next to you and stay supine.
Wouldn’t everyone rather travel horizontal?
Any time I’m flying or on a train, I’m looking for the best place to put my feet up. This inflatable ottoman is my best-kept travel secret. You do have to blow it up, but it only takes a few minutes and is sooooo worth the effort! If I can raise my feet on a flight, I’m suddenly able to fall asleep. Pro tip: make sure to book a window seat, so your neighbor isn’t trapped.
Wouldn’t everyone rather bathe horizontal?
I love baths and hot tubs, but I’ve got to admit: much of the time, I’m looking for ways to be even more horizontal while I float. One thing that does this trick is this floating foot rest. Seriously, you get to be splayed out flat whilein lovely warm water. The best.
To get even cozier (and kind of ridiculous-looking), try this magnetic holder for your phone or Kindle. It holds the device in front of your face, sort of like a harmonica player, so you can be hands-free and fully submerged.
