Why Self-Acceptance Is My New Resolution

Why Self-Acceptance Is My New Resolution

BY HUGO LA HEI

This Year, I’m Ditching The Resolutions And Embracing Self-Acceptance

Ah, the December holiday rush: the masking Olympics. A marathon of office parties and family gatherings, complete with their requisite social scripts and unwanted touches, where we Neurodivergents must monitor our behavior so no one feels uncomfortable and ignore our needs so the holidays can be celebrated the way they “should” be. 

Anyone else feeling tired yet?

For most, the final weeks of the year are a time of celebration. They’re also a chance to rest, reflect, and set new intentions before launching into January. 

For a neurodivergent, not so much. 

Ever wonder why we feel so depleted after the holidays and so unable to muster the new-year-new-me energy? Are we just unmotivated? Perhaps we lack the ambition and drive to identify and pursue our own New Year’s resolutions. 

No, no, no. Fuck no. 

I am always working on myself. I’ve adopted too many expectations and internalized too much disdain. It’s a compulsion that’s been drilled into my soul by thousands of passing quips and disapproving glances: that if I try hard enough, I can will myself to do things I simply was not built to endure. Call it my little project. 

Every bit of work I have done to converse without missteps, to interpret things the way others intend them, to say the right fucking thing–my god, how much energy I have spent trying to say the right thing?! All for the holidays to come around and decimate any skills I thought I had developed with a subtle glance from a family member or a kick under the table. 

All of that work was informed by the belief that I am indeed a broken little boy who needs to be fixed. 

Now, in January 2025, I can confidently say that I got it all completely wrong. My problem wasn’t that I needed to work on myself, nor was it solely a case of an ignorant, uneducated majority bullying me into conformity-obsessed comorbidity magnet. 

The issue is that somewhere along the way, I began trying not to be myself.

My solution–and I will die on this hill–is self-kindness, self-acceptance, and a whole lot of patience. 

 I have worked on myself enough. When was the last time I actually rested? 

Maybe instead of fixing myself, trying a new hack, and becoming “better,” 2025 will be the year I let that all go. It’s time to focus on self-acceptance instead of self-improvement.

This is all easier said than done, of course. Learning to unmask and live authentically is a process; it takes a long time to unlearn all we’ve been taught about ourselves. But I’m trying, and I invite you too as well.

New Year’s resolutions are about self-betterment. I say you’ve done enough self-betterment. This January, take the month off. 

If you don’t have the energy to brush your teeth at night, do it twice in the morning. 

If you say the wrong thing in conversation, let them hold their own discomfort, instead of foisting it on you. 

Instead of beating yourself up for what you said or did wrong, embrace the art of cringe.

If you get stuck on the couch with task paralysis, do something you enjoy instead. 

You are not a project. You’re a person. 

Let yourself exist. 

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