Horns & Jazz Are My Nemesis

Horns & Jazz Are My Nemesis

BY COREY SAMUELS

I’ve always known that I don’t like horns. Other people love them SO much. Seattle has a whole festival called “Honk Fest.” It sounds like a nightmare to me. 

My brother was the first to recognize my jazz aversion. Growing up, he was a jazz saxophone player. He even went to band instrument repair school. He was so frustrated by my purported dislike that he invented a game we called “But do you hate this?”

He’d play selections from album after album, and I’d reject each one of them. I really was trying… but most of it had a brain-scrambling effect on me. His favorite music made me feel confused, irritated, and a little ill. I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than hoping it would be turned off. 

After a lot of trial and quizzing me, my brother finally admitted defeat. Sadly he concluded, “You just don’t like the horns.” Sorry, saxophone-loving brother. It’s truth.

As I got older, I discovered that men adore inviting women on dates to hear jazz music. Long ago, a guy who had been trying to woo me just couldn’t stand the idea that I didn’t like jazz.

In typical mansplain fashion, he was convinced that I must just be “doing it wrong.” (How can you listen to music wrong?) If I just listened to jazz with him, this amazing musical world would reveal itself to me. 

He even sent me a surprise gift in the mail. It was Miles Davis’s Something Blue. Guaranteed cure. I never opened the plastic outer packaging. (Mostly out of annoyance… but also I’d been through enough of, “But do you hate this?” I knew the answer already.)

Over the years I’ve learned to avoid horn-heavy situations. My friends know that if there’s a funk concert the whole group is attending, I probably will not want to join. I hate to miss out on fun! But I hate horns more. 

A couple of years ago, the whole group decided to go on a music cruise. Who even knew there IS such a thing? There is! And the one my friends chose was a JAM cruise. Jam-packed with horns, that is. 

Big sigh… but also, it was a cruise!! My friends would all be there. It’d be warm and sunny, departing from Miami to Caribbean destinations. The boat served endless pizza and there was a mashed potato bar!! Endless mashers with all the toppings. And there was a costume theme night–every night. I LOVE costuming. Sign me up! But… the horns…

In the end, the FOMO got the best of me. I went on the cruise, figuring that there were enough benefits–sun, friends, a couple of horn-free bluegrass bands, and costumes–to outweigh the horns.

And it turned out fine. Because my friends know me, their expectations were appropriate. A great thing about a boat with concerts is that no venue is all that big or crowded. If you don’t want to be in the front, you can just move to the back. If you’ve had enough, you can just go to your room. Or you can take a break and go grab some pizza or potatoes. (Did I mention potatoes??) 

I embraced the costuming. Using hanging shoe racks and wall magnets to organize all the headpieces, sunglasses, and temporary tattoos, I set up an accessories bar in the room to help friends with their costume’s final bling. When I didn’t feel like standing at shows and being assaulted by horns, I’d hang in my room, and my friends knew to stop in when they were taking a break. Win, win, win. It worked. 

Through all my decades of jazz-hating, it never occurred to me that this distaste might be more than just a preference. I mean, I knew it was a STRONG preference, and I’d even refer to it as “just how I’m wired.” But with age and experience, I’d stopped fighting my aversion so much and just tried to plan accordingly. 

Cut to Japan Group Trip 2024.

File under amazing: the beef, the ramen, the bullet trains, the little town where deer bow to you to receive a cookie. (For real, I have a video.) Our first hotel was right next to the world’s busiest intersection, and I was blown away by being in the midst of such intense energy.

But… did you know that Japan adores jazz? 

It was everywhere. Seriously. Every hotel bar seemed to feature jazz, either live or recorded. At one hotel, it was in the bar, the elevator, and on my TV after turndown service. Horror. I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off! 

I moved out of my shared room. (Sorry lovely roommate friend; truly, it’s not you, it’s me.) But somehow there still was jazz floating up from… from WHERE?? I found myself awake in the middle of the night, actually nauseous. This was next-level. 

Calling the front desk, I felt SO high-maintenance. I’m from the Midwest for God’s sake! I’ve been trained in Minnesota Nice. Having to make someone come to my room and look for the source of the jazz was beyond embarrassing. The more uncomfortable I got, the crankier I got, until I was full-on exposing my worst self to both my friends and the poor hotel staff, who were just trying to help.

The staff concluded the sound was coming from the (of course) jazz-themed outdoor cafe. I moved to another room on the other side of the building. 

Sweet roommate-no-longer happened to also be a bodywork therapist. She was struck by the severity of my reaction and started investigating. She texted, “There’s actually a condition called misophonia.” I read the description: a condition that causes a severe reaction to specific sounds. 

It was so validating! You mean I’m not the only one who can’t stand a certain type of sound?? 

While scientists are still working out whether misophonia qualifies as a neurodivergence on its own, they do know that people with neurodiverse traits are more likely to experience the crawl-out-of-your-skin condition–leading many believe that it falls under the larger neurodiversity “umbrella.” 

I went in search of these sound-sensitive comrades. I found a Reddit group of people posting about having the exact same issues I had. They described the flight-or-fight feeling I’d had my whole life in such detail. Finally, all the games of “But do you hate this?” made sense.

So should I get screened? I wondered. Is there a fix???

Ok… spoiler alert… there does not seem to be a fix. But for me, just knowing I’m not making up my aversion to horns helps. And it’s motivated me to try some things out that can help. 

I got some good earplugs [https://eargasm.com/]. Because of my newfound knowledge of misophonia, I brought them to a concert recently. I’m never going to hear live music without them again! The earplugs cut through the discomfort. I didn’t feel dizzy or nauseous–and that meant my balance and footing were better, so I actually felt like dancing!

I also discovered these magical non-sound-blocking earpieces. They recently really took the edge off a noisy airport bar experience. I’m still experimenting. 

This Friday, I went to a concert with friends for the first time in a while. I was prepared; I had earplugs and a plan. I ended up being able to stand the whole time and even danced a bit. I’ve realized it’s worth digging into different products if it means I can go out and participate in the horn-loving world without feeling like a weirdo. 

If I find a product that prevents the unwanted suitor from telling you you’re doing it wrong, I’ll let you know. 

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